I'm not a good Harry Potter fan

Long time no blog, heh? Well..this is a warning, this one is me just being angsty? I don't know...well here it goes.


I don't know what's with me today, I've had this gloom and Sadness hanging over my head since I've been up,I mean it has reason(which might seem Silly to some but I'm sure most of the people I talk to on here get it)and I guess I've always had that feeling hanging over my head, it just seems stronger today, maybe it's that people are talking about Leakycon or the soon to be released "Dear Mr.Potter", either way I can't shake it off and writing this is the only thing I could think to make it better so I can get on with my day.

It's not the fact I can't attend Leakycon.
I mean that sucks SO BAD and I really wish I could, but I understand with Money and not having a job/being 20 it's almost impossible to go and by this point if I can't go with Allie and Pottsie it wouldn't seem right.

Oh, Writing this I'm noticing I keep skipping the Wrock on my ipod so..let's get to the underline reason for this upsetness

I'm not a good Harry Potter fan
AT
ALL
like, I never felt like a good Harry Potter fan(let's add also not a good nerd) since forever, but since last year when I got for the first time REALLY into it(Wrock,HPA...reading the books) I've been feeling more and more down about it, like I never experienced amazing things to do with it, I never got to be excited about the release of the books or wondering what's gonna happen next, I already knew everything before I finally read the books and it just doesn't seem the same as other peoples experiences

This isn't to say Harry Potter hasn't been in my life! It always has been..just, it's just been THERE, nothing huge I've just always seen the movies and I've always just liked it! I've had Harry Potter brithday cakes and a fake little wand and video games and all that stuff but..it just didn't change anything about my life.
No midnight releases
No reading the books(I didn't like books when I was little, okay? I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE)
It's just always been in my life!

So the whole idea that I met the awesome marauders was really just a big fluke, it was when I was in my semi-obessed stage a year ago, checking mugglenet everyday and I saw something about the HPA
BAM Livestream
BAM chat
BAM meeting the best people ever

And seeing people who stayed up late waiting for the books and going to wrock concerts or cons, Harry Potter changed their lifes, having posters and just tons of stuff and knowing tons about it.
And it made me realise
I'm not a good Harry Potter fan
I never and will never have that experience of being a child dressed up in costume wanting to know what was next
or the prime-time of Wrock and the fandom

and I feel like missing out on Leaky which might of been my last chance of having an experence like that, I know that I'm going to be seeing it with Allie and maybe Pottsie which will be amazing but..without the HUGE thing with leaky I'm afraid I'll not have that big fandom moment...blah this stupid but...I'm afraid I won't cry. I KNOW it's silly but I didn't cry at DHpt1 and I felt
so terrible, I only cried once reading the books(By the time prince's tale came around I was done for)
I just wanna be a obsessed fan for once so badly, I want to be dressed up with my friend waiting in line excited to see the trio one last time, I WANT them to be my trio, the one I grew up, the ones who I looked up to and wanted to go on adventures with and wanted to be friends with SO BAD, but I'm afraid that they aren't.
Maybe this is why I've never been able to listen to "End of a era", I'm not afraid
I'll cry I'm more afraid I won't be able to, because I don't know if I've ever had those feelings..I want to feel like I've had, and I don't know if it's just because I'm a perfectionist about my life or if I just haven't had those feelings...
And I'm afraid it's too late for them.



I don't know, If you've read this thing I'M SO SORRY! I don't even know if it makes sense and I never/hate complaining about stuff like this, cause at the end of the day it doesn't really matter and it isn't a terrible thing and it's stupid for
me to waste my time worrying about it...but it's just been hanging over my head and writing does seem to help, so I'm gonna blog this and hope by the end of it(if anyone reads it) you'll still like me.